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Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist : How to End the Drama and Get on with Life by Margalis Fjelstad (2014, Trade Paperback)
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About this product
Product Identifiers
PublisherBloomsbury Publishing USA
ISBN-101442238321
ISBN-139781442238329
eBay Product ID (ePID)201579609
Product Key Features
Book TitleStop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist : How to End the Drama and Get on with Life
Number of Pages232 Pages
LanguageEnglish
Publication Year2014
TopicCodependency, Reference, General, Personality, Mental Health, Psychopathology / Personality Disorders
IllustratorYes
GenreSelf-Help, Psychology
AuthorMargalis Fjelstad
FormatTrade Paperback
Dimensions
Item Height0.7 in
Item Weight12.5 Oz
Item Length8.9 in
Item Width6 in
Additional Product Features
Intended AudienceTrade
Dewey Edition23
ReviewsI thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstads book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders., While the title of this book may confuse some, its contents demonstrate a solid understanding of dysfunctional relationships between borderline (BP) or narcissistic (NP) patients and their loved ones. Psychotherapist Fjelstad uses the word "caretaker" to identify partners and family members who enable typical BP/NP behavior at the expense of achieving their own goals and preserving their own sanity. The author begins with an excess of questions to assist caretakers in identifying destructive behaviors. As the text progresses, the writing becomes more fluid and accessible. Fjelstad outlines the pros and cons of staying with vs. leaving a BP/NP partner, and suggests therapy and self-coaching strategies to help caretakers regain confidence. The book includes case studies, though they focus on the negative and make little mention of the addictive, intoxicating lure of these relationships. VERDICT Despite the cryptic title and occasionally awkward writing, Fjelstad delivers a thorough self-help guide for caretakers of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections., While the title of this book may confuse some, its contents demonstrate a solid understanding of dysfunctional relationships between borderline (BP) or narcissistic (NP) patients and their loved ones. Psychotherapist Fjelstad uses the word "caretaker" to identify partners and family members who enable typical BP/NP behavior at the expense of achieving their own goals and preserving their own sanity. The author begins with an excess of questions to assist caretakers in identifying destructive behaviors. As the text progresses, the writing becomes more fluid and accessible. Fjelstad outlines the pros and cons of staying with vs. leaving a BP/NP partner, and suggests therapy and self-coaching strategies to help caretakers regain confidence. The book includes case studies, though they focus on the negative and make little mention of the addictive, intoxicating lure of these relationships. VERDICT Despite the cryptic title and occasionally awkward writing, Fjelstad delivers a thorough self-help guide for caretakers of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections.s of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections.s of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections.s of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections., Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Nacissist is a well written book which highlights in straight forward language how people get caught in pathological caretaking roles. The author provides a self-assessment test which itself will help people recognize just how they have allowed themselves to be manipulated into being self-defeating, pathologically altruistic and how they unwittingly may collude with their borderline or narcissistic partner. She also offers clinical insights and advice on how to progress from being in a negative " drama triangle" to a more autonomous person in a "caring triangle" based on mutuality and reciprocity. This book is a self-help manual for identifying and changing maladaptive behavior., I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstads book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders. , I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders., I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders. , Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book!, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book!, Margalis Fjelstad 's Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is a must-have tool for disentangling from Borderline/Narcissistic Personality family patterns. I especially appreciate the important distinction made between codependency and caretaking. This book makes a complicated subject easy to read and understand. Fjelstad skillfully puts things in perspective by giving thorough attention to Rescuer/Victim/Persecutor dynamics in the 'Drama Triangle.', If your borderline or narcissistic family member won't or can't get help, this book will help you get over your fear, obligation and guilt and get on with your own wonderful life., Indispensable insight and advice for anyone who feels a loss of control due to his or her relationship with a toxic person. This book offers hope that control and confidence can be regained, while offering understanding that allows for prevention of such psychologically damaging relationships in the future.
Dewey Decimal155.2/32
Table Of ContentPART I: UNDERSTANDING THE CARETAKER ROLE INTRODUCTION: HOW CAN I TELL IF I'M A CARETAKER? 1: IS MY PARTNER REALLY A BORDERLINE OR NARCISSIST? 2: WHY THE BORDERLINE/NARCISSIST NEEDS A CARETAKER 3: LEARNING TO BE A CARETAKER 4: CARETAKING INVOLVEMENT LEVELS 5: EMOTIONAL DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS 6: THOUGHT DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS 7: BEHAVIORAL DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS 8: DISTORTIONS IN THE SENSE OF SELF 9: RELATIONSHIP DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS PART II: LETTING GO OF CARETAKING INTRODUCTION: HOW DO I MAKE CHANGES? 10: STAGES OF HEALING 11: CHALLENGING THE BP/NP FAMILY RULES 12: BEGINNING TO HEAL: EMBRACING NEW BELIEFS AND BEHAVIORS 13: INCREASING YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE 14: NURTURING AND CARING FOR YOURSELF 15: ANXIETY REDUCING SKILLS WITH THE BP/NP 16: CHANGE CREATING SKILLS WITH THE BP/NP 17: LEAVING OR STAYING PART III - REBUILDING INTRODUCTION: HOW DOES IT LOOK TO NOT BE A CARETAKER? 18: MOVING FORWARD IN A HEALTHY WAY 19: REACHING OUT TO OTHERS 20: THE NEW YOU APPENDIX I: CARETAKER TEST BIBLIOGRAPHY
SynopsisPeople with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling--in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don't happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member. Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker's self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker's how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle--with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions., People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders are master manipulators; Caretakers fall for them every time. This book helps Caretakers break the cycle and puts them on a new path of personal freedom, discovery, and self-awareness, through the use of real stories and practical suggestions from a seasoned therapist.
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Ratings and Reviews
Most relevant reviews
- Jul 22, 2018
Excellent book. Compassionate, practical, helpful.
This is a fantastic book for anyone who is in a close relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. The authors describe behavior that I have witnessed myself, and practical ways to live with the person or break off the relationship. It is written with a lot of compassion for the Borderline and the Caretaker. I wish I had read it 20 years ago.Verified purchase: YesCondition: Pre-owned
- Oct 23, 2018
Easy read and extremely helpful
Easy to read and understand, written in common everyday language. Author gets straight to the point. Extremely helpful and exactly what I needed. It helped me to understand my current situation with my loved one and also to understand myself, and my responses within the relationship.Verified purchase: YesCondition: New
- Dec 02, 2018
This book saved my life
I finally broke the cycle, after years of being a caretaker, an empath who gave all but lost everything, I now know what I want in life. I'm learning self care and respect and realizing that I've been Echo only loving a Narcassius for too long, I need to love myself and fully have a life I deserve. Thank you for this book. It changed everything.Verified purchase: YesCondition: New
- Sep 24, 2019
excellent book on people how narcissistic people take control of your life
really good book! Learned a lot !!!Verified purchase: YesCondition: Pre-owned
- Oct 18, 2021
Great!
Very relevant material that does exactly what the title says.Verified purchase: YesCondition: New
- Feb 10, 2021
Highly Recommend
Fast and efficient. Great quality.Verified purchase: YesCondition: Pre-owned
