If you have uncontrollable gas or human body odors, associated with flatulence, please consider this product as it provides protection immediately.
FART BE GONE! Flatulence Deodorizer Pad, GOES IN UNDERWEAR, LET EM RIP!See original listing
Mar 20, 2012 19:09:47 PDT
Naples, Florida, United States
New: A brand-new, unused, unopened, undamaged item (including handmade items). See the seller's listing ... Read moreabout the condition
|Aromatherapy:||Reduce or elimate Fart Odor with FART PAD!||Incontinence Aid Product:||Underpads. CHRONIC FARTING, SERIAL FARTING|
THIS IS A REAL PRODUCT!!!, A REAL SOLUTION! A NEW LEASE ON LIFE, JUST FART AWAY, RIP ONE!BUY TODAY, CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
NOTE: Updates coming soon, 3-15-12, thought I had to fart, BIG MISTAKE! Have had the squirts for a day and a half now. 3-19-12 12:06AM, Squirts stopped for now BUTT, will have to be careful and trust no FART for the next 24 hours. I am priveledged to have had so many emails from fellow Farters concerned about my false FART that became the squirts. I can now continue helping others and my research in Phfartology.
CARING EASTER OR MOTHER'S DAY GIFT, FART PAD! Buy now!
Let's just clear the air. Just a small bit about me and more below. I will mention more than once here, my pucker string (sphincter) is not exactly the strongest nor what it used to be. I AM A FARTER, MORE THAN THE AVERAGE FARTER. I STARED DOWN THE VERY BOWELS OF MY DENIAL AND FACED THE FACT THAT SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE. I WAS FARTING EVERYWHERE. I FOUND THE FART PAD!!!! I am also a stress FARTER. If the wife is not happy with me, I FART. Everyday "normal" stress sends me into a FART A THON. Any exertion, even standing up from a chair, I launch a medly of STRESS FARTS! Even at the grocery store at Thanksgiving time, I pick out a Turkey, lift and FART like when Kramer in Sienfeld fed the horse beef a roni from the can. Even putting on my seatbelt? "Thar she blows"! I was banished to the far points in my own home, co workers avoided me, I farted like a Mongoose and friends were always too busy for me, I WAS A LONELY FARTER, NO PLACE IN SOCIETY. I couldn't even wear white underwear and did my wash in the middle of the night or incognito at the laundromat with dark sunglasses so my wife would not see my skidmarks although she knew I was a chronic FARTER. Read on and take the steps to FARTING freedom, buy my FART PAD, PLEASE.
DON'T GET ARRESTED,,, BUY NOW!!!!!
SOUTH CHARLESTON, WEST VIRGINIA.
Drunk man Jose Cruz charged for assault, farts on policeman
THIS FARTING ARREST BELOW AND IN PICS COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED, BUY NOW!!!
PFFFFFFT , 31,210 VIEWS BY FELLOW FARTING ENTHUSIASTS, SPORT FARTERS, SNEAK FARTERS OR SHAMED OR SHUNNED FARTERS BRAVELY TAKING THE FIRST STEP TO FARTING AT WILL FREEDOM SINCE 1-28-12 I ONLY HAVE YOU ALL TO THANK FOR THIS ACCOMPLISHMENT AND I AM HUMBLED BY THE RESPONSE TO THIS HEINOUS BUT CONTROLLABLE PROBLEM . BUT MORE IMPORTANT, THANKS TO THOSE THAT TOOK THE BRAVE FIRST STEP AND PURCHASED TO CONTROL THIS INTERNATIONAL PROBLEM, THOSE WHO TOLD ME THEY LAUGHED TO TEARS, FORGOT FOR A MOMENT FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, BROUGHT A PERSON OUT OF FARTING DENIAL,, I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT ALL OF YOU! I NOW WILLTHANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LARGE INTESTINAL TRACT!
FACT! PYGMYS EQUATE FARTING AS SIGN OF STRENGTH AND LEADERSHIP!!!!!!
ABOUT ME: I WAS IN DENIAL, BELIEVED FARTING WAS A DEEP DARK SECRET, TABOO. I AM A CHRONIC FARTER, MY PUCKER STRING ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE. PRIOR TO THIS ITEM, I LIVED LIKE A HERMIT, I WAS ASHAMED, SNEEKING AROUND TO SEEK ANY SHELTER TO FART, LIKE A DRUG ADDICT ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE NEXT FIX, I WAS ALWAYS SEEKING A SAFE PLACE TO FART, MY CAR, EMPTY AISLEWAYS IN STORES, HOME DEPOT, PETTING ZOO'S, FAR ENDS OF PARKING LOTS, SEEDY ALLEYWAYS, BOCE BALL COURTS,TIDAL MARSHES AT LOW TIDE, DOG PARKS AND WALKS, NOW, I AM A PROUD FARTER, A PRO FART ACTIVIST TO RESCUE FARTERS WHO DENY AND ADVOCATE OF FARTING AT WILL AS NATURE INTENDED, UNASHAMED, MORE PRODUCTIVE AT WORK AND MORE ATTENTIVE AT HOME WITH FAMILY AND WITH FRIENDS. I FART ANYTIME I WANT, ANYWHERE I WANT AND AROUND WHOMEVER I WANT WITH CONFIDENCE AND PRIDE. I HAVE NEVER FELT FREEDOM LIKE THIS WITH MY FART PAD! PLEASE BUY NOW!
TRIPLE PLAY FART: COMMON WHEN NOT WANTING TO GET OUT OF BED AND WAITING TOO LONG. OFFENDER JUST MAKES IT TO THE THRONE, SIMULTANIOUSLY URINATES, BOWL MOVEMENT AND VIOLENT FART COMPETING TO BE RELEASED FIRST, RESULTING IN HIGH SPEED MISSLE TYPE STOOL AND VIOLENT SPLASH DOWN. CAN BE A VERY MESSY FART.
REPEATER FART(S): VERY COMMON, USUALLY IN MORNING. A RAPID SUCCESSION OF MINI BURST FARTS AFTER YOU WAITED TOO LONG AND INCREASE IN FREQUENCY THE CLOSER TO THE TOILET AS YOU DUCK WALK QUICKLY TO THE BATHROOM, JUST MAKING IT (MOST OF THE TIME). THIS FART WILL TEST YOUR ENDURANCE AND VERY ESSENCE OF WILLPOWER. THIS FART WILL ALSO GIVE A GOOD INDICATER OR STRESS TEST OF YOUR PUCKER STRINGS (SPHINCTER) TIGHTNESS.
PEEP FARTS: VERY COMMON WITH WOMEN( especially my sister in law, "B"). DAINTY, LADYLIKE, LITTLE SHORT "PEEPS" (FARTS), A HIGH FREQUENCY FART, LOW ODOR AND SHOWS THE TRUE CHARECTER OF HER PUCKER STRING (SPHINCTER) BY THIS POLITE FARTER CONTROLLING HER PUCKER STRING. RARELY ANY "FART SPRAY" ASSOCIATED WITH THIS FART. WOMEN ARE GENERALLY COMFORTABLE WITH THIS TYPE FART AS THE SOUND HAS BEEN KNOWN TO BE DESCRIBED AS A SHORT "CRICKET", OR "PULLET" (BABY CHICK") SOUND AND IS ONE OF THE FEW FARTS WOMEN DO OUTSIDE OF HER COVEN OF TRUSTED FARTERS (SEE Q&A BELOW).
Florida boy, 12, arrested for FARTING in class
WE ARE HAVING FUN BUT PLEASE TAKE THIS PRODUCT SERIOUS. MANY ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF THIS. HAVE COMPASSION FOR THE FARTER STILL IN DENIAL, MENTION THIS ITEM, SEND ANNONYMOUSLY, BE A TRUE AND CONCERNED FRIEND! GREAT WEDDING OR SHOWER GIFT!!!
REAL PRODUCT, REAL RESULTS, GET ROMANCE BACK IN YOUR LIFE AND FART AT WILL!
Q: WHY DOES A FART USUALLY END WITH A HIGHER PITCH?
A: THE TIGHTINING AND SLAMMING SHUT OF THE PUCKER STRING (SPHINCTER), SMALLER OPENING, HIGHER SOUND. KIND OF LIKE FART WHISTLING.
Q: WHY DOES A FART SMELL GOOD TO THE OFFENDER?
A: THIS HAS BEEN QUESTIONED SINCE THE BEGINNING OF MAN AND WOMAN, STILL WONDERING.
Q: WHAT IS THE BEST PART OF FARTING?
A: MYSELF AND 8 OUT OF 10 PEOPLE SAY the push and resultant relief. Some people, and all are different, enjoy the scent of thier fart. Some say the shock effect on others but again, in my opinion and a short survey, the push of relief and the pleasure (Ahhhhhhhh) finally feeling.
Q: DO MOVIE STARS AND CELEBRITIES FART?
A: WHY YES, OF COURSE. Even Grandmothers, kings, queens, priests, Presidents, Ayatollas, Opera Singers and even Nuns Fart. Even Yoda and Britney Spearz were chronic Farters and inspired her to initially title her song "Oop's, I FARTED again" also, the infamous "no underwear" photo was actually not for any other reason than she FART SPRAYED, no change of underwear, just might have my product (will never tell) and has never been photographed like that again! BUY TODAY, DON'T DELAY, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THE DAY OR FUTURE HOLDS!
Q: WHAT IS THE AMOUNT OF GAS A PERSON FARTS A DAY?
A: ON AVERAGE A PERSON PRODUCES ABOUT A HALF LITRE OF FART GAS PER DAY DISTRIBUTED OVER 14 FARTS DAILY. NOTE! A SERIAL FARTER OR PLEASURE FARTER HAS BEEN KNOWN TO FART UP TO 12 TIMES A MINUTE SOMETIMES PRODUCING A FART MEASURING 7.4 ON THE RECTUM SCALE. THIS IS AN AVERAGE ANSWER ONLY.
Q: IS IT TRUE SOME PEOPLE NEVER FART?
A: NO! NOT IF YOU ARE ALIVE AND EVEN THEN, AN EXPIRED PERSON WILL SET SAIL A FEW FAREWELL FARTS, MORGUE WORKERS THEN STARTLED, FART AS A RESULT AND A VICIOUS CIRCLE OF MASS FARTING HYSTERIA.
NORMALLY A RESULTING VERY MESSY FART. THE FARTER CLAIMS IT SMELLS "FRUITY" AND MORE COMMON WITH EATING PLUMS. RESULTING FART 99% CHANCE OF SPRAY ALSO. SKID MARKS AND ITCHING A GIVEN. EXACTLY WHAT THIS ITEM IS MADE FOR.
IMMEDIATE SHIPPING!!! DISCREET PACKAGING
FARTING 101: UNDERSTANDING FARTS AS NOT JUST NOXIOUS ROOM CLEARING GAS, RATHER, THE ACTUAL SOUND IS FROM THE SPHINCTER, COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE "PUCKER STRING". A sphincter is an anatomical structure, or a flapular valve, that normally maintains constriction of a natural body passage or orifice and which relaxes as required or allowed by a chronic farter or sneaky serial farter. The audible FART is the Sphincter\Pucker String "flapping" or vibrating upon voluntary release and the bodys instinct to slam shut in rapid succession, hence, A FART. It is of no use to try to manually spread your buttocks in an attempt to hide a FART! An exception to this anomaly is the "PFFFFFFT"(sound) HIGH TEMPERATURE AND ODOR EXPANDING FART that causes severe itching sensation after and expands to exceed the cubic footage 10 fold of any area and is very critical to exit an enclosed space with the upmost haste.(an example of emergency exiting for us old enough to remember the panic exit of the theater in the movie "The Blob".) WITHOUT this product, there is little defense to this FART!!! The "PFFFFFFT" FART has been known to clear vermin, flip cockroaches on their backs and linger for days. THE "PFFFFFFT" FART EXHIBITS LITTLE IF ANY "FLAPPING OR VIBRATION" OF THE SPHINCTER\PUCKER STRING. BEWARE of this fart as it is stealth, hits quickly due to no FART sound!!! Even the perpetrator abandons the area leaving you to fend for yourself although the PERP can easily be identified by fear and or guilt in eyes and "TRAILING" (a following FART) for excessive distances. It is also critical to avoid any open flames or other ignition sources with the "PFFFFFT" FART. A Very Dangerous FART Indeed. Even holding your nose and mouth breathing is of no avail with this FART as an "aftertaste" is unavoidable. Changing Clothing will most likely be necessary if the offender or exposed.
FARTING AROUND: THE ACT OF WANDERING AIMLESSLY WITH NO PARTICULAR GOAL.
FACT! Criminal and Serial FARTERS premeditate release, for example, a very heavy and slow moving revolving door is a favorite for these scoundrels and like an arsonist, will usually blend in with a crowd to watch the horror of the this perps deed.
ONLY $24.95 FOR TIME TO VACATE AND PEACE OF MIND!
Q&A'S ON FARTING:
Q: IF POSSIBLE TO BE IN SPACE WITHOUT A SUIT, COULD A FART PROPEL YOU?
A: GREAT QUESTION, IN ALL THEORY, YES!!! A FART SHOULD PROPEL YOU FORWARD AS THERE IS VIRTUALLY NO OPPOSING FORCE IN THE FORM OF FRICTION OR GRAVITY TO COUNTERACT THE FORCE OF A FART. EINSTIEN DABBLED WITH THIS QUESTION AND MOVED TO RELATIVITY AND GIVES THOUGHT OF ALTERNATIVE PROPULSION FOR MARS EXPLORATION, LARGER CREWS, CORRECT DIET AND A COLLECTOR TO FUNNEL FARTS TO AN EXTERNAL NOZZEL PROPELLING THE CRAFT.
Q. Do women really fart?
A. YES! Ladies usually go to the toilet, and run water whilst FARTING, or the deep woods or Oceans to fart in groups floating on "Noodles" and creating Sea Foam to hide the bubbles, they like to do this to give the impression they don't fart but guys know the truth! Often many women will gather in trusted groups, woods and toilets like a coven of FARTERS just to let out their methane and have an unspoken code of secrecy and giggles. This code is rarely broken but has been in the case of a woman wanting to steal another womans man. The opportunist usually exits first, states "she" is going to be a while and it is really bad in there and leads the victims man off.
Q. At What Time of Day Is a Gentleman most likely to FART?
A. A gentleman is most likely to FART first thing in the morning, in the bathroom, commonly known as "Morning Thunder" and with the right acoustics, can be heard throughout the dwelling.
Q. Does a Womans FART smell worse than a Mans?
A. My experience and Study of FARTING, Simply,, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT! FART studies show a woman's FART has a higher stench concentration than a man FART, although a man usually FARTS much higher in volume so they kind of equal out, FOUL to all but the perpertrater.
Q: WHY THE DELAY FROM FART TO DISCOVERY?
A: Unless you drop your drawers and FART directly into a victims face, the delay is mostly due to atmospheric conditions and area. Under normal conditions, expect a FART to be discovered after about 5 to 12 seconds If a FART traveled the speed of sound, the offense would be immediate. Do NOT think you can ever beat a fart, trailing from suction follows you everywhere unless you happen to be standing by an HVAC intake. FART molecules spread and after enough dilution, less potent. Elevators, Cars and going DOWN stairwells are a favorite for the Criminal or Serial Farter. This INTESTINAL TERRIORIST can affect more victims in say an elevator and exit just before the door closes leading to possible mass panic, stampeding and injury at the next floor stop. In a nutshell, it takes several seconds for a FART to be detected if the dastardly "PFFFFT" type or SBD. Even with an audible FART, no victim is really truly prepared for the level of stench,,, Please, all farters, buy my product.
Question asked: can item be tuned to UHF frequency?
YOU ARE STROLLING THRU WAL MART "CROPDUSTING" (SILENTLY PASSING GAS WHILST WALKING PAST OTHERS AND QUICKLY VACATING THE AREA LEAVING OTHERS TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES) and you come face to face with that guy or girl you have been trying to impress knowing in seconds, the "trail" will sweep past you. WHAT DOES ONE DO?
Each pad comes with 10 pieces of special double-sided adhesive tape and instructions.
Flatulence De odorizer (FART PAD, Reusable) RINSEABLE, dries quick, GOES INSIDE UNDERWEAR! PICTURE FOR ASTHETICS ONLY. COMES WITH 10 STICK STRIPS. SOMETIMES A FEW MORE AS A BONUS.
YOU CAN'T GET HELP WITH CHRONIC FARTING UNLESS YOU TAKE THE FIRST STEP,,, PURCHASE TODAY! SAME DAY OR NEXT AM SHIPPING!
POSSIBLE MUFFLE EFFECT UNDER RIGHT CONDITIONS
WEAR WITH PRIDE AND CONFIDENCE! WALK HEAD HIGH, PROUD AS A PEACOCK!
GREAT FOR BEER AND HARD BOILED EGG NIGHT(Straight or Pickled) AT THE LOCAL PUB!!!!
INTERNATIONAL SALES WELCOME!
GREAT FOR TEACHERS ASSIGNED TO MONITOR DETENTION!!!!!!
INTERESTING FACT! MY BROTHER IN LAW TOLD ME TOWARD THE END OF THE SUPER BOWL THAT WOMEN FART 5.7% MORE TIMES A DAY THAN MEN. MEN ARE JUST LESS DISCREET! HE SAID WHY MEN "JUST" FART WAS SORT OF LIKE A CALL OF THE WILD, CLAIMING TERRITORY OR TO ATTRACT A MATE. MEN IN GROUPS ALSO ARE PRONE TO THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND JUST LET LOOSE WITH A VOLLEY OF FARTS, SPORT FARTING AND CHALLENGE OTHERS TO "BEAT THAT FART"! FARTING AMONG MEN CAN BE EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE AND LEAD TO "FARTING HYSTERIA" ALONG WITH THE TITLE OF "WHO DA MAN"! ESTABLISHING A LEADER OF THE PACK. THIS ITEM WILL MAKE A MORE PLEASANT ARENA!
FULLY ANNONYMOUS GIFT OR CONCERN SHIPMENTS "THEY WILL NEVER KNOW SENDER BUT WILL KNOW SOMEONE CARES AND LOVES"! OFFENDER MAY NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT BUT WILL DARN SURE TRY IT.
NEWS ANCHORS, DAY AND NIGHT TALK SHOW HOSTS, CONGRESS, SENATE, TAKE NOTE!
STOP BLAMING THE POOR OLD LADY IN AISLE 4 AT THE GROCERY STORE WITH A PUCKER STRING ON IT'S LAST LEGS, IN LINE AT POST OFFICE OR IN THE TUBE OR SUBWAY AT RUSH HOUR OR "LOOSE FLOORBOARD"!! TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR EMISSIONS, NO HOLDING BACK, LET FARTS RIP THAT WILL SET NEW RECORDS ON THE RECTUM SCALE,,, JUST DO IT!!!!!
Granulated Charcoal Pad, neutralizes no matter what you ate! Squeeze one out, no worries! Ideal for weddings,meeting the Queen, funerals, church, first dates(one always builds up), packed public transportation, office cubicles, meetings, meeting dignataries, meeting girl or boyfriends parents for 1st time, silent auctions, lines of any sort, opera, movies, Landscapers, checkout lines with a hot babe or guy behind you, elevators, escalators, 5 star food joints, PTA meetings, home and school nights, teachers conferences, realtors, bank tellers, car pools, country club gatherings, Christmas Santa's, unemployment lines, librarys, job interviews, wine tasting partys to tupperware partys, the list is endless and slightly muffles to a certain extent. Wears inside underdrawers (thong model avail( WOULDN'T BET THE FARM ON THAT ONE, GOOD FOR STAIN PREVENTION THOUGH)) very comfortable and rinseable in case of splatter or mix and dries quickly especially with restroom hand driers or direct sun of car dash, holding out car window, car antennae, A\C duct return, pin to office cubicle, etc.
This is a real breakthrough product, tested on Daughters Fiance after she added a spice called "volcano Dust" the hottest on earth to his Chicken and an hour later, barely noticed but some damage to pad but that test was the extreme and I did not witness. On the other hand, my youngest adult son, who Farts on command and announces same, lets an air bisquit fly at will, I can attest it works.
FART BE GONE! FD Flatulence De odorizer In The Underwear Pad, discreet, DELIVERY!(Reusable) SAY GOODBYE TO SKIDMARKS! NO MORE TRAILING! NO MORE OFFICE SEATS FUMING FOREVER! WEAR WHITE AGAIN! HAVE GIRLFRIEND DO YOUR WASH WITHOUT FEAR OF HER SEEING "BROWNOUTS" IN YOUR SKIVVIES!!! WHETHER IT IS A FULL BLOWN "STEP ON A DUCK,BLISTER THE PAINT, DOG BARK OR SILENT BUT DEADLY, DASTARDLY "PFFFFFT" FART, CROPSPRAYER, EVEN AN EMBARASSING MIX WITH A SPRAY OR CORNSHOT, THE " DEFINATLY HAVE TO CHANGE MY DRAWERS" MUCKRAKER OR AFTERBURNER!! HAVE A CHANCE TO GET OUT OF THERE, GREATLY REDUCES OR POSSIBLY ELIMINATES "TRAILING"! NO MORE LOYAL DOG GETTING A BUM RAP OR BLAMING GRANDMA'S LOOSE PUCKER STRING, OR THE CO-WORKER THAT JUST FINISHED EXTRA BEAN CHILI AT LUNCH OR FIGGY PUDDING! TOO MUCH VEGEMITE?, NO WORRIES MATE! EXCESS CURRY?, LET ER RIP! BORSCHT CABBAGE BEET SOUP?, Фарт от моего друга!
Date in confidence, GET MARRIED IN WHITE!
NO MORE FEAR OF CAMPFIRES OR OPEN FLAMES, SKID MARKS, CORNSHOTS, FART SPRAY OR MINUTE FART PARTICLES!
CHALLENGE THIS ITEM WITH TEXAS, SUPER HOT, EXTRA BEAN AND JALEPENO FIREHOUSE CHILI!
BE FREE, FART LIKE A MONGOOSE, QUACK LIKE A DUCK, FART UPWIND AND BE CONFIDENT
DISCREET UNMARKED PACKAGE FOR PRIVACY AT DELIVERY!
PERFECT ANONYMOUS GIFT OR HOLIDAY GIFT TO SHOW YOU CARE OR ARE CONCERNED, ALL HOLIDAYS OR EVENTS, MAKE UP GIFT, YOU NAME IT, EVEN FARTING INTERVENTIONS!
JUST LET ONE FLY!!!!