eBay
  • Daily Deals
  • Sell
  • Customer Support

Bidding has ended on this item.

 
Ships to:
United States
Delivery:
 
Ships to:
United States

Details about  Magic, Beaded, Husband-finding*, Sparkly Bronze Sweater

Magic, Beaded, Husband-finding*, Sparkly Bronze Sweater See original listing
Magic-Beaded-Husband-finding-Sparkly-Bronze-Sweater
Item Sold
Item condition:
New without tags
Ended:
Sep 08, 2012 13:58:23 PDT
Winning bid:
US $35.00
17 bids ]
Shipping:
FREE Standard Shipping | See details
Item location:
Los Angeles, CA, United States

Description

eBay item number:
251142599856
Seller assumes all responsibility for this listing.

Item specifics

Condition:
New without tags: A brand-new, unused, and unworn item (including handmade items) that is not in original packaging or ... Read moreabout the condition
Brand:

Once Again

Material:

74% Cotton, 26% Metallic

Style:

Turtleneck, Mock

Color:

Browns

Size Type:

Regular

Shade:

Bronze

Size (Women's):

M

*husband not guaranteed

Of all the memories of Christmas Past, this sweater ushers in perhaps my favorite. 

I’ll never forget opening the package and peeling back the delicate tissue paper to reveal the sparkly bronze beaded mock turtleneck sweater that was clearly something I was going to wear never. As in, ever.  As in, if we were plunged into another ice age and all the warm clothing on the planet had been engulfed in a tsunami and there was no choice but to wear this sweater or freeze to death, chances are you’d be reading my obituary right now.

“Thanks, Mom,” I said, as I started to put the lid back on the box.

“Let’s see how it looks,” she replied, full of holiday cheer, the joy of giving, and her third eggnog which she had augmented with an extra shot of Southern Comfort.  She then read my mind (which was not hard, since its contents were clearly displayed on my face) and added, “I tore up the tags.  You are not returning it.” 

Sometimes it’s easier just to capitulate, and it was Christmas after all, so I went into the bathroom and pulled the slender sweater over my head and zipped up the back.  Yep, it was everything I thought it might be.  You see, I’m not a big girl.  In fact, I’m fairly skinny, but I was blessed with a couple of cantaloupes that could make Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine speculate as to whether or not they’re real.  They are.  They’re also spectacular.  They are not, however, suitable to be covered in tight, beaded knit.

I came out and Mom gasped, overcome by the sheer loveliness of my ensemble.  By now, she had decided to forego the eggnog portion of her drink (“too many calories”) and had moved on to straight SoCo on the rocks.  Her eyes welled in motherly, drunken tears.

“I know you hate it, but if you would just start wearing things like this, you are sure to find a husband.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s very figure flattering.”

“I look like a milk cow on the end of a lollipop.”

“Men find that attractive!”

 At this point, my twice-divorced sister and her teenage children were rolling on the floor laughing.  I think Pepsi shot out of my niece’s nose.  

And I tried.  Dear Lord, I tried not to laugh as well, knowing how hurt my poor mother would be, who merely wanted the happiness that only a man could bring to her 34-year old, international corporate banker daughter.  But I couldn’t stop myself.  Some things are just too funny.  Literally, I laughed in her face.

Yes, she was as hurt as I had predicted.  She shouted back at us as she stormed up the stairs, “Fine. Return the sweater.  Die old and alone for all I care.  I was just trying to help!  Merry Christmas!!”

Sadly, that just resulted in more gales of laughter...

So, looking back from 40, having just found this sweater in its box in the back of a closet as my husband and I pack up my old place and move into our new home, I kind of love it.  I at least love the thought of it.  But that doesn’t mean I want it in my house.

It did not help me find a husband.  Your results may vary.

No Returns. 

Questions and answers about this item

No questions or answers have been posted about this item.




Place bid

Time left:
Current bid:
(Approximately ##1##)
Shipping:
Import charges:
Your max bid:
Your max bid:
By clicking Confirm bid, you commit to buy this item from the seller if you are the winning bidder.
By clicking Confirm bid, you are committing to buy this item from the seller if you are the winning bidder and have read and agree to the Global Shipping Program terms and conditions - opens in a new window or tab. Import charges previously quoted are subject to change if you increase you maximum bid amount.
Cancel
Loading...
Resume bidding, if the page does not update immediately.
Place bid
Review and confirm your bid
Bid confirmation
d
h
m
s
day
hour
hours
FREE shipping
See item description
(Approximately ##1##)
(Enter ##1## or more)
(Enter more than ##1##)
Your max bid:
Increase max bid
Place bid
Confirm bid
Increase max bid
Cancel
Change bid
Close
, you've been outbid. Don't let it get away - bid again!
, you're the highest bidder on this item. Hope you win it!
, you're the first bidder. Hope you win!
, you're currently the high bidder, but you're close to getting outbid.
, this auction is almost over and you're currently the high bidder.
, you're the high bidder, but the reserve price hasn't been met.
Please enter your bid again.
Please enter a valid number as the bid price.
Enter an amount that is equal or greater than the minimum bid required. This can be found under the bid entry box.
Maximum bids can't be lowered once they're submitted.
This seller requires the buyer to have a PayPal account to purchase this item. Get a PayPal account here .
Your bid is greater than or equal to the Buy It Now price. We recommend you purchase this item via Buy It Now. If you still wish to bid, you may do so below.
Time left:
Current bid:
(approximately ##1##)
Your maximum bid:
(approximately ##1##)
Increase your maximum bid:
By clicking 1 Click Bid, you commit to buy this item from the seller if you're the winning bidder. Learn moreabout 1-click bid - opens in a new window or tab
day
hour
min
sec
days
hours
mins
secs
(approximately ##1##)
Winning bid:
Starting bid:
Close
Congrats! The auction has ended and you're the winner.
The auction has ended, but the reserve price was not met.
Sorry, the auction has ended and you were outbid.
Good news, you're the high bidder.
Sorry, you've been outbid.
You're the high bidder, but the reserve price is not met.
Please enter a higher amount than the current bid.
Maximum bids cannot be lowered once submitted.
Please enter a valid number.