Wake up and smell the morning air. Take a shower and put on some clean clothes. Brush that hair on your head. Brush those few remaining teeth. Now say to yourself.....
"I can walk away from ebay any time I want" then say "eBaY doesnt control my life"
If you cant say those two things wihout rolling on the floor in laughter than this is the guide for you. It very well is then the guide for your freinds as well.
- Have you run out of organs to sell on ebay.? Now you are looking into selling your family and friends into slavery....?
- Did you find all your highschool or college momentos going for $50.00 on ebay. By a seller who's name sound's alot like your wife's or husband's name....?
- Do you live out of cardboard box'es. Because you sold everything you owned on ebay......?
- Can you go to the store for milk. Before doing a quick search for powdered milk on ebay..?
- Do you have a beeper just in case. You are out bid on Paul reevers teeth again.......?
- Do you REALLY believe you got a deal on your 10,000TH pair of Fuzzy car dice......?
- This morning did you chew up your food with George washington wooden teeth.......?
- Do you place bids on grill cheese sandwich'es. Because you REALLY see christ in them.....?
- Is your credit card statement filled with purchase's for " Alien radar tracker's" and Gerbil grooming brushes and Duke's Of Hazard lunch boxe's and Garbage pail kid's sticker's......?
- Did you started auctioning off the soul's. Of people that you tricked other's out of. Instead of selling them directly to SATAN........?
- Did you name your first child either Ebay or Paypal........?? ( Do a google search. People have actually done this one...!!! )
- Did your son paypal just get a ( F ) in buisness 101 class at the local community colledge......?
- Instead of going to the drugstore, for more toothpaste. Did you waited 40 day's, without brushing your teeth. Just because were waiting, for a seller to list it on ebay.........?
- Do you have more friend's on ebay. That live 2000 mile's away. Than you have that live in your town or country..?
- Does "Griff " from ebay. Personally send you a thank you note. When you pay your selling fee's...?
- Was the last time you left your home trash day. Because thats the day item's are free....?
- Do you spend more than 16 hour's a day on ebay. And are proud of that fact.......?
- Can you remember the last time you paid retail for anything........??
- Did you just change your will. Leaving everything to ebay.....?( Actually happened in Elgin PA )
- Was your last social event attended.... a ebay live event........???
- Can you stop bidding. On the newest bingo or lottery prediction device on ebay.?
- Did your best friend changed their name. Moved to Iraq , Now are pretending to be dead. So that you will not call them. To tell them about the deal's you just got on ebay......?
- Does your last tattoo says " I love eBaY"........? ( 3 people had it done last year at ebay live )
- Will your next tattoo say " I take all form's of payment with PayPal".........?
- Is your oldest child and granmother now hooked on ebay.................. Thanks to you......?
- Did you just set up a paypal account for your 6 month old child. Now you cant wait for them to be able to read. So they can help you find item's on ebay......?
- Will your friends let you into their homes. Without fear it will be listed on ebay tommorow..?
- Does 99% of your wardrobe have the words "Ebay" or "feedback" or "Paypal" on it........?
- When you dream at night. Do you dream about the bargains you found on ebay.......?
- Does paypal or ebay call your sweetheart. In emails they send you ..?
- Does your ISP think you are ebay. Because all emails coming in are started with Ebay..... Or the all the out going mail is eBaY memember.....???
- Was your last bid placed on ebay. For a slice of toast......?
- Have you won. More than 1 Mystery auction in the past month.....?
- The last time you made love to either a ( Man or woman ) did you fear they maybe a spy from the person bidding against you on the star trek lunch box....?
- Are all the calenders in your home from ebay or paypal.....?
- Have you been on people's court over a dispute for a item you sold on ebay.....?
- Do you buy item's on ebay just so you can get email's from ebay and paypal......?
- Do you wait 29 day's after the sale for a buyer to give you feedback. If they dont you give them a negitive or nuetral because they didnt give you timely feedback....?
- Does your personalized licence plate for your car thats says "I LVE EBAY" (taken in 6 states)
- Has the virgin mary appeared on more items in your home. Than anyone else's home, starngely she only appears on items you purchased on ebay......?
If you can honestly answer YES, to one or more of the following above. You might want to check yourself into. The new ebay 12 step program called : ATE. ( addicted to Eaby ). You can find a local support group in your area by calling 1-900-DUM-BASS
- Do a google search. A ebay memeber in Sana Barbra Californa. Named Crystal Helten. named her first born son Elmer Ebay Helten. Born August 11th 2005. She named her seccond son Erik Paypal Helton. Born December 20th 2006.
- Last year at the ebay live event. Two power-sellers. Who didnt want to give there names. Were featured on Channel 21 CBS Morning Show. After they Got Ebay tattoo's. The two power-sellers and the wife of one of the men. All had the words " I Love Ebay" tattooed on their Right upper arms. When asked if they had other tattoo that could be showen o TV. One man showed a tattoo of "PP" blue logo for paypal. The other had a tattoo with the word paypal and 2 red roses on his other upper arm.
- Charles McDaniel Changed his last will. On June 11th 1999. leaving his whole estate to Ebay. He did this after a fight with his only living child. His estate was worth just under $400,00 dollars. When he past on in 2004. His only child. Filed a motion in District court in Elgin PA. To have the will contested. Ebay never filed a motion, the estate eventually went to the mans child. 6 months later after he past.
- The personalized licence plate reading "ebay" is owened by the president of ebay. For his personal company car. They also have "ebay1" and "ebay2" The names " I LVE Ebay' is taken in the following states................Minnesota, Californa, Washington DC, Ohio, Flordia, Oregon
If you found this guide stupid....! rate it as unuseful ( NO ). ......If you found it helpful then rate it as ( YES ) and I will update it as i get time.......