Wentworth Tradd on Socks

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Wentworth Tradd on Socks
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OK, chances are you haven't spent much time thinking about socks.  Below, I  offer you the chance to remedy that.  My goal is to help you be comfortable, stylish and secure. If you can manage it with socks, the rest of your world will be just that little bit more ready to fall into line.

First, let's acknowledge that there are times when you really don't need socks, shouldn't even have them on. That would include right now for me, as I am in my jammies and enjoying the feel of the carpet between my toes. For most people, it is not a good idea to wear socks in a bed you are sharing. Certain types of shoes are traditionally worn without socks, at least in certain environments.  The problem is, once you have appeared, say, on the beach in your Over-The-Calf Businessman's Specials, you really can't take them off. Your friends and relatives (and that attractive stranger)  have already seen and probably captured the moment on film. So, that brings us to our first rule:
1) KNOW WHAT THE LOCAL CUSTOM IS. What are the cool kids doing? If you can ask discreetly, this will save embarrassment. There are many ways to find out. For instance, if you have ever watched a romantic movie, you can probably go back in your mind and remember the romantic couple were not wearing socks in bed.  Look out the window.  Cast your mind back to last summer.  See what the natives and the professionals are doing. In some quarters, nothing is cooler than socks with your sandals. If that is the look on the brochure,. then go for it, unless the people on the brochure look like losers, which brings us to our second rule:
2) BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN TASTE. OK, you are reading an article on socks on eBay. Maybe your confidence could stand some shoring up. Don't worry. That is what I am here for. A few more tips from me and you will feel just fine. Get down off the ledge.  We can make this happen. We will follow three easy steps:

    A) decide whether you want to be noticed or not. Sometimes you will want to be, sometimes it is better not to be.
    B) evaluate the physical comfort factors, i.e., temperature and environmental hazards
    C) Choose from what is at hand

Of course, what is at hand is going to depend on what preparations you have made in advance, but deciding to wear a pair of cashmere and angora handknitted knee socks is far easier if you have such an item. If all you have are White Target Tubes,  chances are your hand will fall on them at least 50% of the time.  SO LET'S GO SHOPPING

Most socks come in few sizes. If you have had trouble with sock sizing in the past, ask your salesman for some help. If you can't find one, consult the tags. If you are online, See The Description. Socks come in numerical sizes, but they are generally bunched into the equivalent of Medium and Large. If you wear a size 14 shoe, this is probably not the first time you have wrestled with size issues. I can only wish for you that it will be the last.

 OK, back to that getting noticed thing.  Chances are, if you are in one of the Conservative Professions (Banking, the Law, Securities,Politics)  you really don't want people to notice your socks at work. Buy ones that match your trousers and/or your shoes. If you prefer the stylistic  twist of Brown Shoes With a Grey or Blue or Black suit  (as I often do) then go for socks to match your suit. If you  (or your boss) prefer  black shoes, then you can choose to match either the shoes or the trou.  BUT, if you are in one of the hip professions, you might consider a little color. Try to come up with socks that complement  your pants, but may not have the same color- like light grey socks with dark grey or black pants. Patterns are great here. Chances are, you will only be showing a few inches, so go ahead and get wild. Do not be afraid of red. Thnk of the Pope's socks. Red Silk. Very cool.  Assuming you want people to see. If you are going on a TV talk show,  do consider whether or not your sock pattern will mess with the camera settings. If you meet Mr. Letterman, be sure to say " hi" from me. We've never met, but I'd love to say "hi" anyway.

But we were talking about socks.  More is better, Frenchmen and their aphorisms aside.  More in terms of selection, not necessarily how many pair you wear at once.  Hikers and people who are in the cold will often wear two pair and you might occasionally want to show your favorite three year old how much fun it is to wear socks on your hands, but otherwise I recomend one pair on your feet and Many pairs in your sock drawer.  

And about that environmental stuff- it isn't just cold. It's also rocks and stickers and biting bugs. As far as I know, if you are worried about biting snakes, you should count on your boots to protect you. I am not familiar with a product known as Snake Proof Socks.  Be sure your socks are taller than your boots.  If the tops (or bottoms) of your socks are going to get wet, consider ones made of non-absorbent materials, such as nylon or polypropylene or Good Old Wool.

Herewith, I offer you THE IDEAL SOCK WARDROBE FOR EVERYMAN:
1) Sport socks. You will need enough pairs to go three weeks without washing.  However, NEVER leave a pair of dirty sport socks more than a week. In certain communities, this is a zoning violation.  You don't need the EPA poking around your hamper, do you?
2) Work Socks, type 1. You will need two weeks' worth. It is often handy to have several pairs alike, so that when the dryer eats one or two, you can still  make up a few working pairs.
3) Work socks, type 2. This includes your Special Occasion socks, your Friday socks, your  Once -a-year socks, etc.  Chances are, you can manage with less than 5 pairs
4) SPECIAL PURPOSE SOCKS. This includes your Kilt Hose, your  Lucky Golf Socks,  your Boot Socks and your  REALLY LUCKY FISHING Socks.  One pair of each will do you.
5) Weekend Socks are probably covered above, but don't let me catch you on the sand in those Black over the Calf ones.
6) Unmatched socks. These will accumulate on their own.  Don't throw them away too soon, because you may  find that an accident will  leave you needing only one at a time. Let's hope it's temoporary.

I won't bother with a cheap joke about The Joy Of Socks, but do please remember...

Let's Be Careful Out There.
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