Chances are, you've probably heard about anal sex already. Chances are equally good that a lot of what you've heard is incorrect or incomplete! Anal sex is fun and pleasurable when done correctly, but can be a bad experience if both partners don't educate themselves properly. In this guide, I'll help you tell fact from fiction and give you a few hints for trying out anal sex on your own!
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Myths about Anal Sex
- (For heterosexual men) "It will make me gay!"
FALSE. No action, thought, speech or image can "make" you gay! Homosexuality is a personal orientation and sexual preference, and no matter what you use and where you use it, it can't change your love for women. In fact, anal sex toys for men have never been more popular on the adult market than they are now - and a LOT of heterosexual men are buying them! Just the same as having anal sex with a female partner doesn't make either of you gay, playing with anal toys (either handheld or in a harness with your partner) doesn't change your preferences or who you are.
- "It will always hurt!"
FALSE. Just the same as vaginal sex can be painful or uncomfortable for both partners when they are not properly "warmed up", good anal sex comes to those who do their homework. The butt does not make its own lubrication the way a vagina does, or the way a penis will ooze precum. A good lubricant is 100% necessary EVERY TIME, and I cannot stress this enough! Both the inside and outside of the butt should be lubricated, as well as the surface of the toy or fingers/penis that will be inserted. A 'good' lubricant means a lubricant made specifically for sex - silicone based lubricant is the best because it lasts the longest, but water-based can be used generously if a silicone toy is being used. Do not use oil based (crisco is unfortunately a popular and incorrect choice) lubricants, they can't be used with condoms because they will break down the latex, they clog pores on the delicate skin of the anus, and they've very hard to wash off, to boot.
- "If it hurts, I should just use numbing cream."
FALSE. Numbing or desensitizing creams (like anal-ease/eze, anal blu, etc.) are VERY DANGEROUS. The creams themselves probably won't hurt the surface of the skin, but they are dangerous because you won't be able to tell what's going on! With anal sex, communication between partners is vital to ensure pleasure and prevent discomfort or injury. The same way you wouldn't shoot Novocaine into your hand before attempting to write a letter, you shouldn't take nerve endings offline for half the participants in a delicate undertaking. You need to know how your body is reacting and if you need more lubrication, because even if it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable right that moment, there's a very good chance things may feel differently when the cream wears off.
How To Have Good Anal Sex
- Clean up - before trying out anal sex, rinse the outside of the anus with a mild soap, and use a warm (NOT hot) enema with a proper enema kit beforehand if you want to go a step further.
- Get an old towel or two and lay it under where you'll be laying to prevent getting lubricant on the bed or sheets. If you'd like, some people also like to put intimate or baby wipes and a trash bag nearby to clean up intimate areas immediately after.
- Finger cots, condoms for going over body parts or sex toys, and latex gloves are great to have handy when experimenting with anal play. This keeps a hygienic barrier between your skin or toys and the anus, and makes clean up much easier afterwards. If you or your partner has a latex allergy, try propylene condoms like "Skyn" brand, and nitrile gloves instead of latex ones. If you are going to be using the fingers, clip all the fingernails very short and file the edges to ensure they are smooth with no ragged edges - long nails can cut or injure the sensitive tissues.
- Lubricant, as mentioned before, is super important each and every time. To make things easy, pick up a brand with a pump top you can operate with the side of a wrist for when your hands are gloved. Maximus is an excellent water-based lubricant with a pump, as is Liquid Silk, the silicone based equivelent.
- GO SLOW. You and your partner should both be relaxed and turned on, as starting into anal sex immediately or when the receiving partner is scared or nervous is an exercise in futility and disappointment. Start small, with a pinky or a very small and thin probe sex toy, and warm up the lube by rubbing between your fingers for a bit to prevent uncomfortably chilly sensations.
- ANY toy that is going into the anus needs to have a flared base. This means the base should be wide enough that there is no conceivable way it can go fully into the anus. This keeps the toy from "vanishing" into the butt and needing a doctor's assistance to retrieve it. ***Most "anal bead" toys have a string with a ring tied on the end. This is NOT SAFE. The ring can become untied, effectively making a toy with no base at all. Stick with anal beads that have a "T" shaped solid base, like Fun Factory's Flexi Felix beads***
- Females do not have a prostate, only men do. Many women, however, enjoy anal stimulation with a sex toy or partner in their vagina or against the clitoris. To find the prostate in men, insert the finger(s) to the middle or last knuckle, and gently curl into a "come hither" motion, pointing the tips in the direction of the navel.
- Especially for the first time, don't be discouraged if things don't "work". Anal sex takes a little doing to ensure it is comfortable and pleasurable, and sometimes that means taking a few tries over time.